Since I removed my older blog and kept most of my personal life “personal,” many people have started getting to know me on a very drawn back level. With me mostly posting random things not related to my life and focussing mainly on my business I don’t think that I’ve given everyone a ‘clear look’ at my life.
Now some of you may ask “why would you want to broadcast your life all over the web?” And my answer to that would be; “Why not?! I’ve got nothing to hide, and at least here I can vent my pain and pleasure on a global scale. It feels better then mumbling and slamming doors or sitting by myself giggling with a glass of wine.”
Something happened tonight that made me decide to spill the beans. and not just some of it, but the ENTIRE TRUTH. So if you really want to get to know me, then here is your chance.
I recently went through a bit of a rough patch in my life. Suicide attempts, hiding myself from the world, big drama. Something that I don’t really want to think about now but it needs to be mentioned. This happened last year between July and December.
After losing everything (my job, my clients, my rented room, my car, etc) I moved back to my parents house. Regularly visiting my shrink and taking copious amounts of prescribed medicine just to get me through my day. After a while things finally started to make sense again and I decided to re-open my business, put my blog back online and attempt life again.
In business I’ve always had the problem of being ‘too honest’ and because I look so young not many people take me seriously. This has been quite difficult and still is. Even now, still living with my parents, trying to work my way up again with only an iMac and an Internet connection is quite a difficult task while trying to be ‘serious’ in business. I am currently living with my parents in Boksburg running my business from within my tiny room. One would think that being back with my parents I have some advantages such as not having to pay rent, eating free food, and getting financial and emotional support? Well, not in this household.
You see, my folks live a very different lifestyle. My dad is a pastor in the Seventh day Adventist Church and my mother works for the church, handling all the ‘sabbath school’ and ‘woman’s ministries’ departments. Since my coming out at the age of 13, life has been quite shit with my family. It took about a year of family therapy in order for us to be civil with one another. Things went up and down like a roller coaster and I just had to get away from it all. When I turned 16 I could finally start working and since then I’ve been forced to do my own thing, not being supported in many ways from my folks and always being frowned upon because I am not religious. Religion can really tare families apart and I am a perfect example of that.
Tonight I ran out of smokes and asked my mom to take me to the shop to get some. We haven’t really had time to talk about much since my grand-parents (who moved in with us because they cannot afford their own place anymore) were always around. I told my mom that it feels to me like we’re not a family, we are just a bunch of people living together, and I’m not being treated as their 22 year old son. Instead I am being treated like a 16 year old boy that just lives here because he has no other place to go, and that needs to support himself 100% financially. I will quote myself: “Its clear that I am not welcome here, if you want me to move out just say so, stop beating around the bush” to which my mother replied saying that they do not condone the life that I have chosen, homosexuality is wrong, and that I need Jesus in my life.
I’m leaving out A LOT of the conversation because it got pretty heated and most of it is better left ‘off the record’ but in short. I AM FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT. I am working my ass off to try and build my business but no one takes me seriously because of my current way of living, and on top of that my parents whom have no fucking idea what real life is about constantly bitch at me and preach to me about Jesus, and my lifestyle, and everything else that I’m doing wrong according to them.
This post is starting to sound pitiful. That’s not my intention. I just have to VENT, and the more people see it, the better for me! So basically what it comes down to is this:
I’m 22 years old, living with my parents, having a bunch of debt and owning only a computer, earning no more then R3000 a month at the moment. Working my ass off to get my business up and running again and trying to get out of this place that my parents call ‘home.’ And I have only one thing to say: I AM WHO I AM, I DO WHAT I DO, THIS IS ME. EITHER YOU CAN DROP YOUR STEREOTYPICAL THINKING AND GIVE ME A CHANGE IN BUSINESS AND FRIENDSHIP OR YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF.
I’m here to live life, to make the most of it, and to enjoy every moment. I am not here to be held back by retarded christians or to be stereotyped as a little boy because of the way I look. I work hard. I care for my friends. I am human. I have nothing to hide. And I only have one thing to say to the people in this house and to the people out there who doubt in my abilities. FUCK YOU!
So, where do I go from here? Well, I’m working hard to try get enough money in to buy a car and rent an apartment with my boyfriend again, that way I can move out of this shit hole and be able to enjoy life again. I’ve decided to write off my parents. They do not deserve my love or respect. They treat me like a little baby and doubt everything I do. It’s time to make a change. Once I’m out of here and have my own place and transport again perhaps some people in business will start taking me more seriously again because “we all know that business owners don’t live with their parents and work from their bedroom right?” People who stereotype can go fuck themselves! I have no patience for retards.
Anyway, that’s enough venting for now, I could carry on like this all night but I have to get some work done. I just want to say THANK YOU to all my friends and clients that have stood by my side and supported my in every way, without you my life would be empty and pointless right now. And special thanks to my boyfriend for being by my side. I love you! You bring inspiration and fulfillment into my life, it’s been over 4 years now and we’re still together. I will love you forever!
Now I’m going to try and keep this blog updated on a daily basis where possible, and I’ll “Spill all my juice” here. If you don’t like it then don’t read it. If you do, thank you!
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