I honestly don’t know what possessed me to swear off binge drinking and general intoxication for as long as I have because, this past weekend was fucking fun! As fun as it can be in this small third-world village, anyway.

It’s all about red wine and dark rum, not together of course. Now I understand why everyone in this village is always drunk or high. It makes everything fun! Is this village going to turn me into an alcoholic? Will I be associated with the likes of Amanda, Charley, or Lindsay? Will I build an army of drunk skanks to invade the town yelling “yaaaaas” at everything? Hashtag anything is possible.

What’s really epic though, is the fact that I didn’t wake up tired or hungover on this fine Monday morning. I feel really happy, refreshed and energized, in fact. Perhaps weekend intoxication really is beneficial to overall health, happiness and sanity. I’m done being a nun. Booze me!

In other news; I’ve discovered that the power cuts here in Africa (load shedding) due insufficient energy resources, do not affect me. Literally every other South African I know has been bitching about it on Twitter and Facebook, and I’m just over here like “what are you talking about?” Clearly this proves my royal divinity. Being God or king of the world, obviously exempts me from getting my power cut off, DUH. I think it’s time for you all to join the church of David and give me the praise that I deserve. Go on, get on your knees bitch! Yes!

Wait what? I’m just kidding! … or am I? Superiority complex, level 100! Hello!

And now, back to your regular programming… Stay tuned!

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