08:17 AM, EDT&
David Venter

But first, Let me take a #Selfie

#SELFIE (Official Music Video) – The Chainsmokers

11:40 PM, EDT&

Questions and Answers [3]

Oh my fucking god! I’m running late AGAIN. It’s already Monday morning here in the third world and I’m only uploading my Q&A Sunday video now. Bad David. Very very bad David. Oh well. Here you go, another video of me answering 10 random questions…

  1. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
  2. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
  3. Do you still have your wisdom teeth?
  4. What do you drink with dinner?
  5. Does it get cold there?
  6. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
  7. Are you a bottom?
  8. Can you change the oil on a car?
  9. What’s your favorite thing to do sex-wise?
  10. What’s your usual bedtime?

Want to know anything about me? Ask in the comments below and I’ll answer your questions in my next Q&A Video at the end of April. Long wait for an answer, I know. But at least I’m willing to answer literally any questions whatsoever and the waiting will keep you in suspense, so, you’re welcome. Till next time ~ Much Love! xoxo

12:07 PM, EDT&

You Look Like a Fucking Whore!

07:41 AM, EDT&
Lady Gaga G.U.Y

Lady Gaga – G.U.Y. – An ARTPOP Film

Music video by Lady Gaga performing “G.U.Y.” ©2014 Interscope

09:38 AM, EDT&
Sex, Lies and Depravity

Sex, Lies and Depravity

I’ve recently had the opportunity to view a series of films by independent actor, author, screenwriter and producer; Wade Radford. The films are quite controversial, and although they are low-budget, art-house type productions; they’ve actually sparked some serious emotions within me. In fact, one of the films; Sex, Lies and Depravity, and the sequel; More Sex, Lies and Depravity, reminded me a lot of some of the crazy shit that I went through during my mid-teen years. Check out the trailers below…

Sex, Lies and Depravity follows Jake, and his letters to childhood friend Arran. After one volatile night, Jake storms out of the family home and by chance meets Ethan, a young, gay, streetwise charmer. Jake struggles to keep the lid on the truth of his real identity and his new found affair with Ethan.

This is the type of film that’ll make you evaluate your own life choices; especially if you’re hung up on the past with thoughts and memories of lost love. We all deal with things in a different way. Some turn to drugs, others lose all dignity and self-respect, selling themselves, and some, like Jake, turn to violence out of regret and anger for how their life has turned out. Sex, Lies and Depravity is a raw example of how life can turn out if we fail to let go of the past, change our mindset about the future and take responsibility for our own lives and the situations that we find ourselves in. From a technical perspective; keeping up with the strong british accents was somewhat difficult at times, and there are some parts in the film where background sounds make it difficult to hear the actors speak, but the storyline had me hooked enough to over-look such annoyances. If you’re into independent, low-budget productions that portray a realistic look of how fucked-up life can get if you keep living in the past or fail to take responsibility for your current situation; I recommend you take some time out to watch Sex, Lies and Depravity.

Where to Watch:

Amazon Prime (DVD): Sex, Lies And Depravity Sex, Lies and Depravity
Amazon Instant Video: Sex, Lies and Depravity Sex, Lies and Depravity


MORE SEX LIES FRT 625x803 Sex, Lies and Depravity

More Sex, Lies and Depravity

 In the wake of Jake’s madness the others struggle to piece their lives back together. Ethan, now alone, reclusive and haunted by memories, struggles to keep the pieces of his own puzzle together, while being hunted by two thugs. Lisa now looks after Carrie and struggles with the all too familiar issue of social services, while Carla and Julie are licking the wounds of their pasts. Like its predecessor, “”More Sex, Lies & Depravity”” packs a pounding thud to a depraved society, continuing to make it’s political points of poverty and degenerates lost in a world of drugs, crime, social class, heartbreak, and worlds colliding out of control. The line ‘We all come from nothing, how are we ever expected to achieve anything?”” has never been truer, and this standalone sequel screams it while taking no prisoners. Check out the trailer below…

Where to Watch:

Amazon Prime (DVD): More Sex, Lies And Depravity Sex, Lies and Depravity

More Wade Radford film reviews coming soon to my Entertainment Blog. Till next time ~ Much Love! xoxo

02:10 AM, EDT&
Not Giving Up

Recovering: Not Giving Up

Well, hello there, boys and girls. Yours truly has recovered from his little meltdown and is back in a positive mood; ready to take on the world again. I’m definitely not giving up, ever! After speaking to friends and family members about the issues I’ve mentioned in my previous post, I’ve received pretty much the same advice from everyone; Simplify life, focus on only one thing at a time, get something done before moving onto the next. And, for the first time in my life, I’m actually going to take that advice.

I’ve spent some time going over the list of 10 things that bothered me; making notes of which is more important and how it make me feel about myself. This enabled me to prioritize, re-shift my focus onto what is more important, and focus on the points that’ll make me feel better about myself and my life. Here’s what I’ve decided…

I’ve made finishing my education my number one priority: I’ve never needed “the papers” for any job I held, and my Commercial High studies, through Intec College, taught me enough that I needed to know in order to start up and run a company back when Vervean Media was still in business. But, my Commercial High was not a High School Diploma; I’m technically a Grade 10 High School drop-out. I’ve decided to focus my time on finishing my American High School Diploma through Ashworth College (James Madison High School). Society dictates that you’re a loser if you don’t finish school, yet some of the greatest people (artists, business owners, inventors, etc.) of our time were all drop-outs, but no one ever thinks about that. That said, being a drop-out has made me feel like a loser; like I’m stuck in a 16-year-old mindset while all my friends are moving forward in life. You reach a certain age in life where having a High School Diploma is no longer necessary in order to study further in a certain field, but regardless of having reached that age; I still want my High School Diploma, not because I need it, but because it will make me feel better about myself. I’m going to dedicate at least 4 hours every day to finishing my High School Diploma.

I’ve stopped doing daily vlogs; instead I’m going to post only one video a week, while still keeping up with my Q&A Sundays on the last Sunday of every month. Doing daily vlogs, even when they’re only 5 minutes long, takes up about 2-3 hours a day which can be spent on more productive things like finishing school, or establishing a social life. Sure, I’ve failed my 365 Daily Vlog Challenge, but that doesn’t bother me right now. I can always try again in the future once I’m more stable and have more interesting things to share. For now, I’ll stick to doing only one a week.

My business and freelancing career is going to take a back seat, until I have my High School Diploma hanging on my wall. I still have some responsibilities in the field but I’m only going to tend to them during my “free time” and I’m going to try my best not to start up any new ideas just yet. Obviously I’ll make some notes of things that I want to do, but I’m not going to take action on anything until I’m done with my main priority.

Having realized that it won’t be easy building a social life in this little town, especially since very few people even speak the same language as me, and because the majority I’ve met are either highly conservative and religious, or complete druggies; I’m once again turning to Second Life as a social and creative outlet. I haven’t given up trying to build a social life in the real world, but I do miss the great friends that I’ve made in the virtual world since I’ve first entered it back in 2007. I also miss the creative tools; being able to build things and express myself visually. That said, I’m limiting my time in the virtual world to no more than 2 hours per day, and only if I’ve completed all my important tasks of the day, otherwise I’ll only hop onto Second Life over the weekends. I haven’t re-installed WoW and plan on keeping it that way until I’m done with school.

And then of course, I’ll still be blogging here, from time to time, whenever I’m not busy with other things. I believe that finishing school is an integral part to building my self-esteem. It’s as if a dark cloud of unfinished business is hanging over my head; raining down on everything else that I’m trying to achieve, and making me feel bad about myself in the process. I know, for a fact, that I’ll feel much better about myself once I can get this out of the way.

Thanks for reading my blog! Till next time ~ Much Love! xoxo

03:48 AM, EDT&
David Venter Crying

I’m in that #FML kind of mood

I’ve promised myself that I would never focus on anything negative here on my blog. but seeing as though I’ve broken so many personal promises already and have failed at so many personal goals and challenges already; what’s one more broken promise?

Truth be told; I just don’t have the emotional strength to deal with all this shit that’s happening in my life right now (or not happening, for that matter). I don’t blame anyone but myself, and I’m done pretending that things are perfect and positive when they are, in fact, fucked up. Yes, the truth has been revealed. David is a fucking train-wreck and having a public breakdown on his own website. Yay Me!

If only I believed in miracles then I would’ve hoped for a miracle to happen in hopes of getting out of my current situation. Don’t get me wrong; I take full responsibility for fucked-up state that my life is in tight now. But I just wish that I had the emotional strength and motivation to actually do something productive and affective that’ll change this situation.

I’m always going on about focussing on the positive and being grateful for the good things in life. But for once I’m going to point out the negative. Let’s look at the challenges I’m currently facing in life, shall we?

  1. I’ve been single for over 2 years but I’m still not over my ex (even though I was the one to end the relationship). I can’t bring myself to befriend or even be open to the possibility of loving another person because I’m still in love with my ex. I need to get over him.
  2. I’ve completely shielded myself from society because I’ve developed this social phobia and pretense that every person “out there” is a fucking asshole in one way or another and that I’d rather be a hermit than to join another drug addict, liar, etc and being nice just for the sake of having human interaction. This is a very unhealthy way of seeing the world. I need to change this and I’ve been trying.
  3. I seem to be driven by emotion. In part due to the above two points I’ve closed down my one profitable business in 2011 because I just didn’t see the point to do anything without my ex or to work with “assholes.” I’ve been trying to get back into business the past few months but I still lack the necessary motivation (even though Ive blogged that I thought I had enough motivation again) and my social phobia is still stopping me from being able to truly build something that’ll actually be profitable and successful. I need to sort myself out.
  4. back in 2010 I decided to complete my formal education but I’ve been so side-tracked with doing business, music, writing, etc that I’ve completely neglected my education. I should’ve been done with school long ago already but I’m still at it. This alone is making me feel like a total failure already since society is built around the pretense that you’re a loser if you don’t finish your formal education.
  5. I always had a dream of becoming a singer. My first single was a complete failure due to the fact that it was way too vulgar for general enjoyment. I’ve been in contact with another producer to release a less vulgar record but I just haven’t had the inspiration to write and compose anything worthwhile for the me to record or for the producer to produce.
  6. Last year, during NaNoWriMo, I wrote a novel. I wanted to finish editing the novel by the end of February and find a literary agent to try and get it published before the end of the year because I wanted to write a new novel (as part of a series) every year. I haven’t even started editing the novel yet. I’ve just been completely unmotivated to even open the file.
  7. I wanted to re-open business and have things up and running by March. We’re already half way through march and I haven’t even completed my new business website yet. There’s just no passion or motivation behind anything. I keep thinking “why am I even doing this?”
  8. I’ve had major self-confidence issues because of my skew yellow teeth. I should’ve worn braces as a child but I’ve never even been to a dentist until last year when I finally had my two front teeth fixed (they were both chipped). As if the feeling of having an “ugly” smily wasn’t bad enough, this morning when I bit down on a biscuit; the crown (or whatever you call it) part of one of my front teeth fell out. Clearly the dentist who “fixed” it didn’t do a very good job. Now half of one of my front teeth is missing and I look like a fucking hobo.
  9. Due to my lack of motivation and interest in doing anything productive to earn a living I haven’t even been able to get regular haircuts or keep up my fashion shopping addiction. My hair is a mess, my teeth make me look like a hobo, and my wardrobe is fast becoming dated and damaged. This alone should be motivation to make me work my fucking ass off to improve my life yet here I am thinking “what’s the fucking point.”
  10. In hopes of getting myself to start and stick with something in the long run; I’ve challenged myself to record a video log every day for at least 365 days. Thus far I’ve been keeping up with it but now that half my front tooth is missing I might stop that. I certainly don’t want to look like a fucking hobo in my videos. Not to mention the videos were getting boring as fuck anyway because I’m running out of things to talk about and my daily life is quite boring and uneventful due to all of the above. So, this might be yet another thing I’m going to fail at.

Thinking about all this shit last night just pushed me over the edge and I started crying like a little bitch for the first time in about two years. I didn’t cry because I felt sorry for myself, but because I was disappointed and sad at what a fucking loser I have become. Realizing this; the tears quickly dried up and turned into a feeling of regret and self-hatred. I think I’ve reached breaking point. I need to do something to fix all 10 points mentioned above, and fast, otherwise my entire world is going to come crumbling down. Oh wait, it already has. Why am I even blogging about this? Airing all my issues out on the Internet. A cry for attention? A desperate cry for help? I don’t fucking know. I don’t fucking care. I’m here, I’m venting. My life is a fucking mess right now and I don’t know how to fix it.

About a year before I left my ex, we had a break; he dumped me and we were separated for a while but then got back together. During the time we were seperated I tried to kill myself, but failed. I now feel as if I’ve never really restored my will to live since then. Sure I’m over the whole killing myself thing but it’s as if I’ve just given up on life; like I’m just existing, not living or even attempting to live. What the fuck is wrong with me? Oh David, where is your dignity and self-respect? How can you publish all this on the Internet for the world to see (and judge)? What dignity? What self-respect? I seem to have lost that a very long time ago.

David Venter, once an ambitious, optimistic young entrepreneur; now a lifeless, worthless failure with zero motivation. Where have I gone wrong? How can I make it right? I don’t fucking know. All I know is that I seriously need sleep right now. Maybe I’ll delete this post in the morning. Maybe not. As with everything in my life right now; I don’t fucking know. I would be crying some more tears right now if they weren’t all dried up already. Am I sad and feeling sorry for myself? No. I’m just extremely disappointed in myself and angry at what I’ve become. #FML

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