The Comeback

David Venter is making a comeback but first, pull up a chair, grab some pop-corn and get ready to pass judgement because, some serious tea is about to be spilled. It’s time to open up, get real, dive deep, and go over some uncomfortable and not-so-flattering topics that most would advise to rather keep on the down-low. Fair warning; this is going to be a long read, but bear with me and get comfortable. I have a story to tell.

Here we go…

Who is, or rather; who was David Venter?

Is he that professor dude that pops up in Google searches? Is he the owner of Venter Trailers? How about that developer from Cape Town? Or that other dude who’s really into sports? Yes, they are all David Venter but they’re not THE David Venter. There’s only one.

Yours truly. 

Yes, hi! It’s me. I’m @thedavidventer - Born in South Africa on July 1, 1987, ex-CEO and founder of the now-defunct Denter Clothing brand, the now-defunct CloudPress Studio managed website service, and the now-defunct Vervean Media advertising and event management agency that I launched when I was just 18 years old, with great early success going straight to my head. I’m the David Venter you saw in a few episodes of local South African TV Series’ Snitch, Egoli, and 7de Laan; I’m the David Venter you used to see hanging around with local celebs and industry leaders in VIP areas at Truth, The Palms, Taboo and The Senate clubs in Sandton, Midrand and Centurion; I’m the David Venter who used to build epic websites for local talent like Paul Bingham; The David Venter who used to bring you the latest runway fashion show videos and reviews on my now-defunct fashion blog; I’m the David Venter who used to live-steam moments of my life on JustinTV; I’m the David Venter who used to flaunt my sexy skater-boy boyfriend like a trophy everywhere I went and I was hoping to marry him some day. I’m the David Venter who used to get out of the car at red traffic lights and dance in the street to pop music (in peak traffic). Correction; I WAS that David Venter.

Yes, I know, what the fuck? I was a bit crazy and obsessed with titles, money, status, material possessions, and seeking attention. I didn’t have a care in the world. I lived in the moment and I had it all; confidence, friends, love, money, pride, a certain level of respect, envy and fame amongst my peers, a fancy apartment, a fancy car, and a wardrobe that most fashionistas would die for. I was “living the dream”, right at the top, literally overlooking all of Johannesburg and Sandton from a luxury apartment on top of the hill in Northcliff. I was a social butterfly. Wild and packed house parties were the weekend norm. Mid-week clubbing and cocktail get-togethers became a habit. Breakfasts consisted of Grappa, Espresso and Eggs Benedict with business partners at Fashion TV. Lunches and dinners consisted of trying exotic meals at different gourmet restaurants and gossiping with my peers about the less-fortunate for not being on our level. Luxury shopping was a daily occurrence. At one point I earned more than my entire family combined, raking in as much as 3k-5k per day. Having come from an average middle-class household and reaching financial success at an early age without any previous failures went straight to my head. My ego was beyond huge. I felt like a god and the world was my bitch. 

So, what happened to THAT David Venter?

It’s been over a decade! Am I a ghost of my former self; a has-been? Am I expired? Am I cancelled? Not quite…

Reality happened; a much-needed knock back down to earth happened; heartbreak happened; attempted suicide happened; Cancer happened, along with years of anxiety, low self-esteem, and crippling depression, followed by self-doubt, unhealthy relationships and an obsession with the past. I also learned that I’m on the Autism Spectrum and suffer from ADHD and that certainly explains a lot of my behavioral issues, social struggles, and inability to cope with my old lifestyle in the long run. I got stuck, suffered burnout, and everything that I once was fell apart which, looking back now—back then I was simply mimicking my peers, and masking my true self. It was all a farce and it was beyond exhausting and resulting in burnout to the point of attempting suicide. Losing everything doesn’t even seem like such a bad thing now. I was kind of a dick. It took losing everything to make me humble myself, grow as a person, and discover my true self.

Everything that I worked towards disappeared into the abyss, myself included. Goodbye love. Goodbye boyfriend. Goodbye business. Goodbye friends. Goodbye money. Goodbye apartment. Goodbye car. Goodbye wardrobe. Goodbye hopes and dreams. Goodbye motivation. Goodbye self-esteem. Goodbye dignity. Goodbye life.

I got to a really low place and I had to choose between being homeless or swallowing my pride and moving back in with my family. Suicidal thoughts still clouded my mind. The metaphorical dark hole I fell into was lower than rock bottom. It felt like I was done and that there was absolutely no way out. Before I was aware of my Autism and ADHD, I couldn’t understand why everything felt so overwhelming, exhausting and why I simply couldn’t cope. I attempted to kill myself, twice, and failing at it made me feel like an even bigger failure. I felt like I could do nothing right; I couldn’t even do suicide right. I was useless, pointless, a waste of space; I was done.

But I’m not here to be negative, to complain or to seek pity—and based on how I now perceive my former self, I certainly deserve none. Regardless of what I did or did not deserve; debilitating heartbreak and depression, attempted suicide, cancer and all the other issues in-between was a traumatic experience that no one should ever have to go through. We all have our own issues and deal with them in different ways.

I’m still learning to accept my authentic Autistic self, to unmask, and to be my true self—now knowing my triggers and limitations. I’m dealing with my issues in my own way, and I’m here to tell you my comeback story, not to dwell in the past. I’m here to show you that staying humble is important; that life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs and that it’s very easy to fall and lose everything but, no matter how bad things get; no matter how hard you fall; no matter how much you lose, there’s always a way out of the metaphorical black hole and it’s never too late to make a comeback. 

Love lost is a tragic and debilitating thing. Depression is a silent killer. And undiagnosed autism and ADHD leaves one feeling like a complete failure—not knowing why things that seem so easy for others are a debilitating nightmare for oneself. No one truly knows how difficult life can be until they live through the darkness themselves. It’s easy to judge those who have less; who do less; who complain. I used to look down on such people, until I became what I used to berate. Sometimes, life teaches us important lessons in the worst kind of way but I do not regret my experiences. Going from nothing, to having everything, to losing everything and now working to build my life back up from nothing again, has thus far, been the most educational and rewarding journey of self discovery. 

Loneliness, emptiness and nothingness slowly turned into an appreciation for solitude and self-reflection. I’m learning to finally accept myself, embrace my neurodivergence and unmask from years of mimicking and masking. There’s no better way to get to know yourself; who you truly are as a person; what you’re really passionate about, when all you have is time alone with yourself.

Through my time alone and with very little influence from neurotypical peers, I got to know my true self. I discovered things about myself that made me realize, that I’m not the same person I used to be—or pretended to be in an attempt to fit in with a certain crowd. I discovered that I’m Autistic and that being different; not fitting a certain clique, class, behavior or mould should be freely expressed and celebrated.

I developed a new appreciation for who I am as a person rather than masking, mimicking the behaviors of my peers, and basing my self-image on my bank balance in comparison to others, and I no longer project my own insecurities onto others. I started to enjoy my own company and developed a greater appreciation for nature. I did a lot of reading, studying and personal development, and I still have a long way to go but, I think I’m on the right track.

Learning that I’m Autistic and have ADHD was a life-changing experience. All my past experiences and struggles suddenly made sense. There’s a reason I behaved in the way that I did and there’s a reason as to why situations and relationships worked out (or didn’t work out) in the way that they did. Understanding, accepting, and embracing the reason—embracing myself and unmasking from mimicked behavior has been the most rewarding experience for me. I’m thinking more positively again. I started seeking inspiration from others who’s been through similar traumas and dealing with similar disabilities. New ideas came to mind. New passions surfaced, new dreams were born and new goals were set. 

As I’m writing and reviewing these words, it seems like going from the darkest of places to a place of positivity is an easy switch to make – It’s not. It’s been over a decade since I’ve hit rock bottom. Every day has been a struggle, and I still have dark days, debilitating anxiety and social difficulties but, things are getting better every day. 

Instead of staring at the wall, mind clouded by negativity and suicidal thoughts, I’ve slowly started working towards my goals again. The more I focus on myself; learning who I really am behind the mask of neurotypical norms, and learning what I think of me, rather than worrying about how others perceive me or how I have to act in order to fit in; who I truly am as a person and what I truly care about; the happier I become. 

Spending a lot of time alone and in nature, doing a lot of reading and really discovering my true self is the number one thing that reignited my will to live and to once again work towards reaching my goals. But I’m not going to take all the credit. I also have some wonderful external support to thank for this newly acquired joy. 

No, I’m not going to thank God. I’m an Atheist. If anything, my previous belief in God and in the ancient myth-based rules, the concept of sin and religious lifestyle expectations are what attributed to my self-hatred, self-rejection, depression and attempted suicide. Religious belief had a part to play in my emotional downfall. What helped me, and who helped me, actually exists in the real world.

I’m fortunate to have understanding and supportive parents, and a close friend who treats me like family, and a few online friends and supporters who showed me that I’m not alone in this world. There are real people out there doing good things—no imaginary sky wizard necessary—just real people, being good people, and doing good things that actually make a real impact in the lives of others. I am truly grateful for that! They understand what I’m going through and they understand Autism and ADHD (or they try to, to the best of their knowledge) and I will be forever grateful. With their help and continued support, I am able to cover my most basic needs. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and clothes on my back. Dear friends and family; If you’re reading this, thank you! I would not have been alive today if it weren’t for you. 

I’m now living with my parents in Limpopo, South Africa, and slowly but steadily trying to get back on my feet; establish some independence, get back into my passions and work towards my goals and dreams once more. Albeit this time, being well aware of my triggers and limitations, and no longer actively putting myself into situations where I won’t be able to cope in the long run.

I still spend a lot of time alone, mostly by choice. Some days, I still struggle to face the world but it’s getting better. I’m unmasking, learning what my limitations are, and learning to cope with the bad days—and to appreciate and make the most of the good days. Social anxiety is still a problem, so even when I do decide to put myself back out in the world, it’s often extremely difficult. On rare occasions, I would socialize with family or attempt to make new friends online, and slowly building up the courage to make friends offline.

Learning more about who I truly am, and how I am affected by things as an Autistic person is helping me to accept my limitations and no longer push myself into social situations where I have to mask my Autism in order to fit in. Masking is a tiring process resulting in burnout, depression, and self harm. I will not go down that road again. It’s time to accept and embrace my authentic autistic self! I’m doing my best to re-integrate with society in a way that’s manageable for me. It’s a slow process but it’s happening and it’s getting better!

So, who is David Venter NOW?

On the Internet, I’m the potty-mouthed guy who speaks his mind without a filter; the random and often unintentionally offensive shit-poster on social media, and the politically charged opinion sharer. In person, I’m the quiet observer; the introvert; the deep thinker.

I have overwhelming empathy and I care a lot about the world and the people in it. I’ve become extremely sensitive towards anyone who degrades the character or infringes upon the liberties of others – This is also why I find it difficult to mingle in mainstream society, and why I struggle to fit in to any elitist clique or belief-based groups. Classism is bullshit. Separation is bullshit. Remove the beliefs, the bank balance and material fluff, and at our very core, we’re all natural human beings in need of love, acceptance and freedom to pursue individual goals, desires and self-expression.

The only thing that’s really important is how we treat others. After all the time I’ve spent alone; reflecting; learning, I’ve developed a new appreciation for all things natural, honest and real. I feel more connected with everything that truly matters and it’s giving me a new sense of respect, appreciation and love for life itself. I’m here, I’m alive, and I’m trying to make the most of whatever challenges come my way. 

So, what are my passions? I love art, music, nature, truth, liberty and equality. I use what I have, where I am, with the skills I possess, and to the best of my abilities within my limitations. Statistics show that very few Autistic people who also have ADHD manage to be fully independent, hold down a steady job, build a strong social circle, and live a fulfilling life. Despite my disability, I refuse to become just another statistic.

The Ultimate Goal: Van Life

Over time, I’ve developed a keen interest in becoming a digital nomad and to live “Van Life.” I’m now working towards saving enough money to eventually purchase a classic VW Microbus/Vanagon, convert it into a camper van, and then be able to travel, explore nature, create epic content, and work remotely over the Internet from anywhere, all while living in my own safe space—on wheels.

Van Life will provide me with a sense of independence, freedom, and the ability to explore the world, and to partake in the joys of life in my own way, in my own time, in my own space, and on my own terms; free from the debilitating triggers caused by traditional living and traveling—free from the overwhelming stresses of neurotypical living.

Van Life will certainly have its challenges but from an Autistic point of view, it seems like the perfect lifestyle for me. I could travel to where I feel most comfortable and inspired—away from things that cause executive dysfunction and meltdowns. I will be able to see the world in my own way, and work from where I feel most inspired, and I could easily leave situations and places where I feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, or unable to function.

While my current financial situation does not provide me with the ability to live a nomadic Van Life right now, I am doing my best towards making it a reality. It has become my number one goal. It may take some time, and I may need support along the way, but I am already extremely proud of myself for discovering the type of lifestyle ideally suited to my disabilities and neurodivergence. It’s a way for me to actually partake in the joys of life, to get out and to see the world; and to experience life with a sense of freedom and independence in my own safe space, in my own time, and in my own way, rather than being sedentary and trying to exist in a way that wasn’t meant for me.

ADHD executive dysfunction is extremely debilitating and often triggered by situations or locations where I feel stuck, overstimulated and overwhelmed. On top of that, being an autistic person with sensory sensitivities, I find it extremely difficult to function in locations or situations where I feel overwhelmed or overstimulated by sensory input triggers. I often wish that I could just drive out into nature, sleep in a camper van, wake up in nature, and go about my day—working remotely from my van, in a place free from distractions and triggers often caused by a neurotypical lifestyle. Should I find myself in an uncomfortable situation, I could then easily just drive away and live somewhere else, all while exploring the world in the process, learning to be more independent, and growing through whatever challenges I may face on the road as a digital nomad.

I am also faced with the reality that my parents won’t be around forever, that they’ll be retiring soon, and that I cannot live with them for the rest of my life. I need to work towards regaining independence and getting my own place so, why not a place on wheels? Why not a camper van? Why not Van Life? Why not become a digital nomad? That seems like a much greater choice than potentially getting myself stuck in yet another place or situation where I may struggle to cope or function in the long run, like what happened in the past.

Van Life could provide freedom from all that, along with a greater sense of independence, and the ability to get away from situations that I am unable to cope with—and more importantly; it could take me towards places, situations, and even people where I am able to live and thrive.

I am going to do this! I am going to make Van Life a reality for me, however long it may take, however impossible it may seem, and I invite you to join me on the journey ahead. If you would like to support this goal, please consider becoming a member on my Buy Me a Coffee page. I certainly need all the help I can get and I am extremely grateful for the support I’ve already received thus far. I’m looking forward to one day reaching a point where I can turn this dream into reality and create awesome content along the way.

The David Venter from the first few paragraphs in this post is not the David Venter that’s here today. I am not rich. I am not popular, and I am not better than anyone. I found success without failure way too early and when the reality of life finally emerged, I was unable to cope with it. If only I had known about my neurodivergent limitations from a young age, then my entire life would’ve gone in an entirely different direction and I would’ve never put myself into situations where I was unable to cope. I would’ve never tried to mimic neurotypical peers, I would’ve never pushed myself towards other’s version of success, and I would’ve never attempted to kill myself for not understanding why I couldn’t cope with living that way. I felt overwhelmed and broken but now I feel whole and I know exactly what kind of lifestyle I need in order to live up to my own greatest potential; to form my own happiness and my own version of success. Now it’s just a matter of time and of gathering the necessary resources to make it happen.

My progress towards this goal (in terms of finances) is indicated on my social media bios. Currently displayed as follows…

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 10%
⋘ ⋘ …𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡... ⋙ ⋙

I will update this on my social media bios as I make progress towards being able to afford a Van, a camper conversion, and to set off on my journey.

Who knows where things may lead? I sure don’t but there’s only one way to go from here and that is towards my goal. I’m here and I’m ready to grow. The Van Life lifestyle is going to happen. I will become a digital nomad, and I’m extremely grateful to all who support and join me on this new journey of freedom, independence, discovery, creativity and positivity.

Making it happen is only a matter of time (and money). Let’s do this!

#Personal #VanLife