This MAY be a long read

So much has happened and so much hasn’t happened yet—I don’t know where to begin or whether to rejoice or complain. Honestly, I’m just beyond overwhelmed, which is why I haven’t updated my blog as frequently as I would’ve liked to, but at least I’m getting into the habit of monthly updates or so it seems, while still using Threads to post about my day-to-day activities and stuff.

So here’s your May update, and it MAY be a long read (see what I did there?) Let’s review what has transpired since my last update about things and stuff…

The Medical Situation

If you’ve been following me for a while, you already know about my battle with cancer (Hodgkin Lymphoma) which started back in 2016. I went through chemotherapy treatment and by the end of 2018 I was cancer-free, and prior to moving to Polokwane, I once again went for a follow-up to make sure that I was still cancer-free. The last PET-CT scan that showed no avid nodes detected was in 2022. Fast forward to 2025 and the cancer may be back.

If you don’t know the whole story, take some time to read this, this, and this, and then come back here for the latest on the situation…

Results from the latest PET-CT scan are bad; really bad. If it is cancer again, it’s everywhere. But on a positive note, my oncologist said that they don’t know for sure. The scan looks bad but it’s been too long since my last biopsy in order to start with any kind of treatment again. They need to do a biopsy, determine if it’s still the same type of cancer or a different subtype, and then I can start treatment again. For full transparency’s sake, here’s the full report:

What’s baffling to me though is why they compared this scan to a mid-2018 scan and not to the end-2018 or 2022 scans which showed that I was cancer-free.

As scary as this report is, there is a glimmer of hope that it may not actually be cancer again. All nodes detected are in areas where I had an injury last year, and I also have a severe infection from exposure to untreated water for which I’m currently taking medication. Muscle injury and lymphoma also appear exactly the same on a PET-CT scan; it’s hard to tell the difference. The only way to know for sure is to do a biopsy. I was relieved when my oncologist said “We don’t know” when I asked if the cancer is back. “We don’t know what it is; we need to do a biopsy.” has been a big relief, yet the fact remains that it may be cancer again, and if it is, it’s really not looking good.

The metabolic activity in my vital organs—if not infection-related could mean that the cancer is busy spreading to my vital organs. If that’s the case, it’ll no longer be a matter of curing it again, but just managing it until it kills me. That is a bleak outlook and a terrifying thought. There is still so much that I want to do and experience in life; I’m not ready to exit existence just yet. I truly hope that that is not the case, and even if it is, that I can get treatment in time in order to still live a long and fulfilling life. In all honesty, I love life. Life is beautiful, and there is still so much to do, to learn, to explore, and to experience.

But here’s the problem: Dealing with this situation and getting to the bottom of it has been a slow, painful, and drawn-out process. I cannot afford private medical aid with access to private facilities that can help me straight away, and despite the wonderful support and sponsorships that I’ve received thus far, it still isn’t enough to cover a medical plan with full oncology cover. And even if I get enough funding to afford it, most medical aid schemes have a waiting period of 3-6 months before oncology benefits kick in. So my only option is to deal with the slow, overcrowded, and understaffed public healthcare facilities that all have huge backlogs and long waiting periods, and hope that they can help me in time.

The PET-CT Scan was done at Steve Biko in Pretoria (Tshwane), which is also a problem as I cannot afford going back there for frequent repeat visits. Each return trip to Steve Biko costs about ZAR 3000, and receiving care from there would require multiple trips per month. It’s simply unaffordable. So now I am in the process of transferring care from Steve Biko to Polokwane Provincial Hospital, and I do not yet have an appointment for a biopsy or a follow-up thereof. If I go back to Steve Biko, I can get a biopsy done on Tuesday, May 20th, but the follow-up for that would only be at the end of June, and any necessary treatment following that would require multiple trips to Gauteng, which I simply cannot afford. It’s simply not possible to keep going back to Steve Biko.

My oncologist at Steve Biko provided a referral letter, along with more detailed reports of treatment and past biopsies and PET-CT scans, to be given to Polokwane Provincial Hospital in order to receive care close to home. I am now waiting for an opening to get an appointment for a biopsy here in Polokwane, so that I can finally get to the bottom of this and receive whatever care that I need at a hospital that’s only 5km away from where I currently stay—much better than the 4-5 hour drive to Steve Biko, and no toll fees or overnight guest house stays are necessary. I can get care close to home! It’s just that now I have to wait even longer and hope I can get the care that I need before it’s too late.

On a positive note: My lymph lumps have been extremely painful. I know—it’s bizarre referring to that as a positive thing— but when it comes to Hodgkin Lymphoma, the lumps are never painful. So as much as I hate dealing with the pain and having to take painkillers continuously in order to cope with it, the pain indicates that it’s unlikely to be Hodgkin Lymphoma but rather something else that’s hopefully not bad, or perhaps even related to my muscle injury. The lumps also change in size and consistency depending on my physical activity.

Once again, for the sake of full transparency, here are images of the problem: Notice the lumps in the areas indicated by the red circles which coincide with those mentioned on the PET-CT Scan report…

Overall, despite the painful lumps, I feel great, and despite the very scary PET-CT scan report and my history with cancer, I’m hopeful that it’s NOT cancer again. But I don’t know, no one knows, not until I can get a biopsy, which is yet to be scheduled pending an available opening at the local hospital. I will visit the hospital again soon to try and confirm a date, and hopefully it won’t be as long as the wait times at Steve Biko. Even if it turns out to be cancer, I will go through treatment again and hope that I will be healed again. I’m positive about the situation and hope that whatever issue this is—that it can be resolved and that I can get on with life without this uncertainty hanging over my head.

And another positive note: at least here in Polokwane, when I can finally get a biopsy, the biopsy will be done by an experienced surgeon, not a student like at the Steve Biko academic hospital, so I’m hopeful for a good outcome. I will share more detail on Threads as the matter unfolds.

Fixing my 2017 iMac 4K

As some of you may know, I’ve been using my iPad Pro M2 as my main ‘computer’ for nearly half a year now due to my iMac’s Fusion Drive (a hybrid SSD/HDD) failing (or so I thought) and preventing me from doing anything on my iMac. It got so slow that it would take nearly half an hour to boot up, and would often freeze upon login and restart itself. Occasionally I could get into macOS and open an app, only for it to freeze up and restart itself again.

I formatted the hard drive multiple times throughout the past year and after every format it would run (sluggishly so) for a while, until it got to the point where it would just freeze up and reboot itself again. This, to me, seemed like textbook hard drive failure. So I gave up trying to get anything done on my Mac and just used my iPad for everything.

Unfortunately, Apple places so many restrictions on iPadOS that it’s impossible to completely replace a Mac with an iPad. Sure, I could do most things but not everything. For many things, such as live-mixing and broadcasting audio from my live-mix over Icecast, I still needed a Mac. Many apps and games are limited in their implementation on iPadOS in comparison to their macOS counterparts so I also couldn’t get onto Second Life. I couldn’t do any form of web design or development, at least not efficiently, and in order to produce music, I had to pay a subscription fee for Logic Pro on iPad, despite the fact that I purchased the full version for macOS.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my iPad and I use it every day for nearly everything, but for some things, I still need a Mac.

I thought my Mac was dead but it turns out that I was mistaken, mostly thanks to ChatGPT shedding some light on the situation and explaining something to me that I never ever heard about before, not a single time in all my years of using a Fusion Drive Mac did I ever hear of this or encounter this anywhere on the internet.

According to ChatGPT, due to the many instances of formatting my hard drive, running Windows in Bootcamp, removing it when I needed space, and installing it again whenever I felt the urge to play GTA, and formatting it over and over again to fix it when it got sluggish, something must’ve gone wrong with the partition structure of the Fusion drive. The Fusion drive had to be re-fused. This was the first time that I ever heard about re-fusing a Fusion drive—a simple, quick, and easy software-based process that returns the hard drive to its correctly fused state of an SSD/HDD hybrid drive working as a single drive.

And guess what? That fixed it. After re-fusing the Fusion drive and doing a clean install of the latest officially supported macOS on my 2017 iMac 4K, it’s now once again running as new. I am able to do graphic and web design on it again. I am able to produce music in Logic Pro on Mac that doesn’t require a subscription. I am able to live-mix and broadcast that live mix over the internet. I am able to access the full version of Second Life again. And I am able to enjoy my iMac again. My Mac no longer freezes up or restarts itself constantly. It’s a good feeling!

So far, so good, but despite this fix, I’m encountering some issues that make it clear that my iMac is indeed at its end-of-life. It’s no longer officially supported by Apple. It’s considered obsolete. And some apps that have updates which I desperately need like Pixelmator Pro, Djay Pro, and Logic Pro cannot be updated because the latest versions with bug fixes, improvements, and new features require M-Series Apple silicon. So, I’m using “Legacy” apps that still sort of work but are frustrating to use as I encounter issues with all of them.

My biggest frustration is djay pro not saving its preferences, and the update that fixes that needs an M-series Mac. So now, every time I want to DJ, I first have to set up djay pro all over again, which involves setting up my physical controller, audio inputs and outputs, etc., all over again, every single time. It’s frustrating, but it works, for now. So I can at least DJ again.

In all honesty, I’m in desperate need of a new Mac, but that’ll have to wait for now. Overall, I’m just grateful that the re-fusing of the fusion drive put me into a position where I can make music, mix music, and access Second Life again, albeit buggy. At least my iMac is no longer constantly freezing up and restarting itself anymore.

Returning to Second Life

I first explored Second Life back in 2007 but only really got into it as an actual Second Life in 2010 with the account and avatar that I am still using to this day.

Back when I still had a boyfriend and a couple of friends in the real world, they always found my obsession with the virtual world rather strange since it’s not real life. Second Life isn’t even a video game per se, as there are no goals or objectives. It’s all about what you make of it, how you choose to use it, what you choose to do in it—kind of like real life, except it’s not real, it’s virtual. But the other avatars in Second Life are controlled by real people. The friendships formed in Second Life are very real. The emotional connections and responses to virtual events, actions, and interactions are very real. All content is user-created and even the business side of things is real. It all involves the exchange of real money for products and services like in real life, and unlike most video games, the financial aspect of Second Life is such that funds can flow both in and out of Second Life. It’s not just a one-way money pit like Fortnite, for example. Sure, you can end up spending—even wasting a lot of money on virtual goods, but you can also earn money to extract into real life. In that regard, Second Life is very much like real life. I spent a lot of time in Second Life—so much that it became my life.

Realizing that I’m not making much progress in real life, I started to believe that spending so much time in Second Life and neglecting real life in the process was detrimental to my future, my finances, and my overall well-being and mental health. I started spending less time in Second Life and tried to push myself to do more things in real life instead. I even left Second Life for years with no intention of ever returning. But as it turns out, Second Life was actually beneficial to my overall well-being and mental health. It wasn’t Second Life that was preventing me from doing things and progressing in real life; it was autism, ADHD, and the related struggles of these disabilities.

Quitting Second Life did not result in any meaningful improvement in real life. Even after a multi-year break from Second Life, only focusing on the real world, I still struggled with the exact same problems. I still failed to build and maintain a successful business in real life. I still failed to make and maintain new friendships and relationships. I still failed to push myself to become more social in real life, to get out more, meet more people, do more things, and build a life in real life. The reason for not succeeding with those things was never because of Second Life preventing me from doing those things in real life; it was because of my disabilities, and my struggle with social interactions, time blindness, uncontrollable lack of focus, hyper-focus, and all the other debilitating things that go along with both being autistic and also having ADHD.

Blaming Second Life for my lack of real-life progress was a convenient scapegoat, not realizing the actual problem is due to disability, and that Second Life actually helped me do things that I cannot do in real life, thereby improving my overall mental health, providing purpose, forging friendships, and actually having a life, albeit a digital one in a virtual world. For a long time, I struggled to face the fact that I am autistic and have ADHD. I still suffer from internalized ableism and beat myself up over being “lazy” and failing to succeed at things that are basic and come easy for allistic and neurotypical people. I’m working through my internalized ableism and embracing my difference, along with the realization that Second Life is actually beneficial for me. It’s a virtual space that enables me to do many things that I simply cannot do in real life, and it makes me feel really good! So, I’m back on Second Life but this time with the realization that it’s beneficial to me so I’m fully embracing it rather than just logging on because I’m bored, or even reluctantly logging on while thinking that I should rather be doing something else in the real world. I’m back in Second Life, and I’m here to stay.

That said, there are many things that I do enjoy in the real world which aren’t possible in Second Life such as physically exploring nature and taking care of real-life physical needs. It’s not like I’m trading in one life for the other. I’m living both as one, side by side, embracing the parts of each that I am able to do and that are beneficial to my mental well-being.

Making friends and maintaining friendships in Real Life: Difficult to nearly impossible due to Autism and ADHD.

Making friends and maintaining friendships in Second Life: Easier, actually possible, with less social pressure than in the Real World.

Doing business and earning an income in real life: Extremely difficult as everyone wants to meet in person, speak over the phone, have video conferences, and face immense social pressure to behave and interact in a certain way that is “normal.”

Doing business and earning an income in Second Life: Easier, actually possible, with less social pressure; most people are okay working over chat or email only. There is a greater general acceptance of neurodivergent traits. The only downside here is that income potential is much lower than in real life, but at least it’s something. Many creators, artists, performers, and virtual business owners are able to supplement real life with income from Second Life, even if it’s just to have some extra spending money for doing fun things or paying some small bills.

Realistically speaking, I do not foresee myself turning anything in Second Life into a full-time career that can generate enough income to fully sustain myself in real life, but Second Life is great for my mental well-being; it enables social interaction, which I am incapable of doing in real life; and if I ever do earn anything from Second Life, it may not be much, but it may enable me just that little bit of extra cash to spend on other things that bring me joy, such as real-life trips to the local reserve, or being able to pay for entertainment streaming services, or being able to supplement my internet and phone bill. Every little bit helps!

Even if Second Life only ends up costing me money for premium membership, rather than earning me money, it’s still worth the expense since it gives me the ability to do things in the virtual world that I struggle to do in the real world. Which brings me to my next point…

Resuming my DJ career

Something I’ve always enjoyed doing (whenever I’m physically up for it, that is—not in a state of autism inertia or sensory overwhelm), is mixing music. I love mixing other producers’ tunes just as much as I love producing my own, and I feel like I’m pretty good at it too, even if I have to say so myself. I’m certainly no pro, not yet anyway, but I’m most definitely above amateur. With a well-planned track list and a little bit of practice before every set, I can certainly come off as a pro DJ.

I’ve recorded a few live sets in the past that you can listen to on Mixcloud, with more to come in the near future. And now that my iMac is in a mostly usable state again, I can once again DJ in Second Life, like I did a couple of years ago when I still lived in Gauteng.

Then the move to Polokwane happened, then more Loadshedding happened, then I thought my iMac was completely unusable, and I stopped DJ’ing entirely, until now.

Before moving away from Gauteng, I had the opportunity to DJ at a Real Life local venue—a small bar/lounge as well as a local Gay Club but I never pushed to make that a reality as I suffer from extreme social anxiety and sensory overload in certain situations. Another such opportunity popped up not too long ago when a pro DJ and event organizer from Canada reached out to me after hearing my sets on Mixcloud and showed interest in flying me out to Canada to DJ at events there, but I went off on a rant about my disability and my struggles with real-life crowds, and ended up scaring him off in the process.

As much as I would love to become a career DJ, it’s extremely difficult to cope with the kind of situations that entails. Yes, theoretically I would love to perform in real venues and at real festivals, maybe I can even still do that someday, but when it comes to actually doing it, or explaining my difficulties in why I struggle doing it—well, let’s just say that it makes it an extremely unlikely scenario—not impossible but definitely unlikely, at least for now.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to this real-world social and sensory nightmare. There’s Second Life: a virtual world where I can simply look away from the screen when I’m feeling overwhelmed by the crowd and realize that I’m safe in my bedroom. I can mix from the safety of my bedroom while my avatar is in a virtual space performing for a crowd of people. This removes a lot of the social and sensory pressures and difficulties. It’s just me and my music.

How it works: I live-mix music using the djay Pro app and a Numark Partymix physical controller. The audio output from that is sent to an IceCast internet radio server, which streams the live-mix into Second Life. The live audio stream is also accessible through any web browser or internet radio player.

Since my return to Second Life, I have performed at various open stage venues as well as at PEAK Lounge, one of Second Life’s most popular underground electronic music venues. The average crowd size at PEAK Lounge is the equivalent to that of a small to medium real-life bar or music lounge. It’s not entirely a real-life nightclub equivalent in crowd size, but it’s still pretty substantial.

Fun fact: PEAK Lounge, on average, has more active listeners and virtual partygoers from all over the world than the average number of partygoers at the real-life bar that I could’ve played at back in Gauteng.

I’ve only played at PEAK Lounge once so far, and although it was great fun, it was still rather overwhelming. Despite it being in a virtual space, I still suffered social burnout and sensory overload, just not as much as I would have in the real world. It may have also just been first-time nerves as it was my first time playing at a virtual venue that only hires Pro-DJs, has very specific genre requirements, and a crowd that expects only the best. Overall, it was a good experience and I’m looking forward to playing there again—provided that I can manage my time effectively and be consistent and reliable.

My Autism inertia and ADHD time blindness present serious problems in that regard. Sticking to a schedule, or having anything scheduled results in me not being able to fully relax and struggling to sleep until the scheduled event takes place. It’s extremely difficult for me to maintain a routine and stick to a schedule. Fortunately, PEAK Lounge has a flexible schedule, and I can book any available time slot from the public schedule. This makes it easier for me to cope with. If the booking happens well in advance, I still have some trouble sleeping the night before and being awake at the right time, but it’s easier than maintaining a permanent time slot. That said, I’m taking steps to improve my time management and trying my best to establish some sort of routine—at least one where I’m awake more or less around the same time every day. Then I can fully embrace my virtual online DJ career and even apply at more clubs, and maybe even pick up a permanent slot somewhere.

If I can manage to do this—cope with it, succeed in building my own following, and actually stick to it (ADHD be damned), then this could very well be the start of a very successful Second Life DJ career. It may even condition me to be more open to doing it in the real world in front of a real crowd—not that the Second LIfe crowd isn’t real (each avatar is controlled by a real person) but it’s not the same as performing in physical reality.

If I fail to make this work in the long run, to be reliable and stick to scheduled slots at popular Second Life clubs, then I can always just go back to playing at Open Stage venues whenever I have the energy, focus, and will to do so.

Only time will tell how this pans out. Keep an eye on my Threads feed for live set notifications, and follow my Mixcloud for more live-set recordings coming soon!

If you’re in Second Life, join the Euphoria Technotronica group for in-world notifications. You can find the group listed in my Second Life Profile, Just search for David Venter in-world.

Support and sponsorship

Over the last 90 days, I’ve received much needed support and sponsorship through the BuyMeaCoffee platform. Total funds received for the last 90 days is $555 USD (Approx R10,000 ZAR). While this is not yet enough to cover the cost of private medical care to speed up and resolve my medical situation, it does help immensely in supplementing other expenses such as Internet and other service bills, toiletries, food, and I even bought a new pair of shoes, a new tracksuit for the winter, and managed to replenish some savings that I had to take out of my Van Life savings fund to cover expenses during the months prior.

As you know, I’m Autistic, have ADHD, I am unemployed, not receiving any kind of government social grant, living with my parents, and my only form of income is the financial support from my supporters and sponsors, and the occasional music royalty payments that I receive from my distributor. So I would just like to say how immensely grateful I am to those who have contributed to my cause!

Huge THANK YOU to all my amazing BuyMeaCoffee supporters! Your kind donations seriously mean the world to me. Every bit of support keeps me creating, dreaming, and pushing forward. Whether it was a single donation or a membership, you’re fueling my passion and helping me bring more art, music, and madness into the world. I see you. I appreciate you. I’m so damn grateful!

VanLife savings progress

If you’ve read The Comeback and/or Why Van Life?, then you’re aware of my struggles and my goal to save enough cash to buy a van, convert it into a camper, and live out of the camper van—as much as that may seem like I just want to live a life of leisure, the truth is that it’s actually my housing plan for when I can no longer live with family should they move to a retirement village where I’m not allowed to stay with them, or should they pass away from old age. Unless my financial situation improves drastically over the next decade or two (if I’m still alive by then), eventually I may end up homeless, which is why I’d rather live in a camper van than in a tent or under a bridge. Realistically, I cannot afford rent or a mortgage, but I may be able to afford a camper van eventually. So that’s the plan.

My goal is to save enough to buy a van and equip it with a portable power station, solar panels, a fridge, a water tank, a sink and faucet, a small tankless water heater, induction cooktop, a bed, and as much storage as I can fit in it. This will allow me to live relatively comfortably while having the freedom to travel and explore the real world, while still being able to do things online via mobile internet such as living my Second Life, and any other digital work or content creation that I may or may not do. I can be off-grid while still being connected. And the most important part of all this: It’ll be a place to call home when I no longer have a home, as my current living arrangement won’t last forever and aside from Van Life, there’s no other viable plan in motion. So this is it. This has to happen.

I’m happy to share that I’m now 15% towards this goal, in part due to the recent support and sponsorships that I have received through my BuyMeaCoffee page. There is still a long way to go but I’m making progress, and even slow progress is better than no progress. I am beyond grateful for my supporters and sponsors!

Honestly, I know—each one of these sections above could’ve probably been their own post, and each post could have been more concise, but I needed time to reflect, gather my thoughts, and combine everything in a structured way that hopefully answers everyone’s questions as to what the fuck has been going on with me. My only hope is that you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy over-sharing, and I thank you for coming this far and following me on my journey. Thanks for reading! ✌️💛

#Personal #Music #Technology #SecondLife #VanLife